You’re already grieving the person your parent used to be. Watching a mother or father struggle with dementia is an emotional rollercoaster that no one is ever truly prepared for. But then, the unthinkable happens: on top of the doctor’s appointments, the memory loss, and the late-night phone calls, you find yourself locked in a bitter battle with your own siblings.
One brother thinks Mom should be in a memory care facility. You think she’s safer at home with a 24/7 nurse. Your sister is convinced the bank accounts are being mishandled. And the biggest problem of all? Mom never signed a Power of Attorney or a Healthcare Proxy.
Now, there is no captain of the ship, and the storm is getting worse…
It takes years of hard work to accumulate a life’s worth of assets: the family home, the retirement accounts, the cherished heirlooms. It only makes sense that you would want those things used to provide the best possible care for your parent. But without a clear plan, that "care" often gets sidelined by legal red tape and family infighting.
At Amenta Law Firm, we see this "Dementia Dilemma" more often than we’d like. It’s a stressful, expensive, and deeply personal crisis. If you’re in the middle of it, you need to know exactly what you’re up against and how to protect your parent’s best interests.
The Legal Vacuum: No Plan, No Authority
When a parent is healthy, we often put off the "uncomfortable" conversations about estate planning basics. We assume we’ll have time. But dementia is a thief. It steals the "mental capacity" required to sign legal documents.
If your parent has already reached a stage where they cannot understand the nature and effect of a legal document, they can no longer sign a Will, a Trust, or: most importantly: a Durable Power of Attorney.
Without these documents, you are in a legal vacuum.
Even if you are the "oldest child" or the "favorite child," you have no inherent legal right to:
- Access their bank accounts to pay for their mortgage or medication.
- Sell their real estate to fund a move to assisted living.
- Talk to their doctors about specific treatment plans.
- Decide where they should live.
This is where the fighting usually starts. When no one has the clear legal authority to lead, everyone tries to grab the steering wheel at once.
The Maryland Guardianship Process: A Public (and Costly) Probate of the Living
If your parent has no estate plan and can no longer make decisions, the only way to get the authority to help them in Maryland is through a court process called Guardianship.
Think of it as "probate for the living." Just as estate administration handles assets after death, guardianship handles the person and their property while they are still alive but incapacitated.
There are two types of guardianship in Maryland:
- Guardian of the Person: Responsible for healthcare, housing, and daily care decisions.
- Guardian of the Property: Responsible for managing money, paying bills, and protecting real estate and bank accounts.
Why Siblings Fight Over Guardianship
In a perfect world, siblings would agree on who should be the guardian. But when there is a history of sibling rivalry, or when thousands of dollars are at stake, it rarely goes smoothly.
If two or more siblings apply to be the guardian, the court has to decide who is "most fit." This turns into a mini-trial. You’ll be in a courtroom, likely with your own lawyer, while your sibling has theirs. You’ll be arguing about Mom’s care, Dad’s finances, and who is more trustworthy.
START YOUR ESTATE PLAN NOW to avoid this, but if you’re already in this position, you need to understand the costs:
- Legal Fees: You aren’t just paying for one lawyer; the court will also appoint a lawyer to represent your parent.
- Public Record: Your parent’s medical records and financial status become part of a court file.
- Time: It can take months to get a permanent guardian appointed, and in the meantime, bills go unpaid and care decisions are stalled.
Why the Fighting Starts: It’s Rarely Just About the Money
You might think your siblings are being difficult on purpose, but usually, these fights stem from two places: Injustice and Fear.
The Caregiving Burden
Often, one child lives close to the parent and does 90% of the work: driving to appointments, cleaning the house, managing medications. The "geographically distant" siblings only see the highlights. They might swoop in for a weekend and declare, "Mom looks fine to me! Why are you spending so much of her money on a nurse?"
This creates a massive sense of injustice. The local caregiver feels overwhelmed and unappreciated; the distant sibling feels left out and suspicious.
The Fear of "Undue Influence"
When dementia is involved, siblings often worry that the parent is being pressured into changing things. They might ask: "Why did Dad suddenly give you his car?" or "Why did the beneficiary on the life insurance change last month?" Without what documents are typically included in an estate plan, there is no paper trail to prove the parent’s original intent.
How Amenta Law Firm Helps You Prevent the Mess Before It Starts
At Amenta Law Firm, Steven Amenta and our team focus heavily on preventative planning. Our goal is simple: help you put the right legal documents in place while your parent still has capacity so your family can stay out of court later.
It takes hard work to build and protect a life’s worth of assets: real estate, personal property, businesses, retirement accounts, bank accounts, and family heirlooms. It only makes sense that you would want a clear plan for who can step in, who can pay bills, who can talk to doctors, and who can make care decisions if dementia or another crisis ever happens.
That is where proactive planning matters most…
1. Financial Power of Attorney Planning Before a Crisis
We help families create a Financial Power of Attorney before an emergency. This allows your parent to name a trusted person to handle all financial decisions, including protecting assets, managing real estate, accessing accounts, paying bills, paying for care, handling businesses, and responding quickly if something changes.
Just as important, this document should also explicitly name a designated guardian in case one is ever needed in the future. That gives the court and your family a clear roadmap and helps prevent siblings from fighting over who should be in charge.
When this is done early, you reduce the chance that siblings will fight over financial control because the answer is already documented.
2. Healthcare Power of Attorney That Reduces Future Conflict
We also help families put a Healthcare Power of Attorney and advance medical planning in place while the parent can still clearly express their wishes. This allows your parent to name the person who will make all medical and healthcare decisions if they cannot speak for themselves.
That means you can have written guidance for:
- Medical decision-making
- End-of-life preferences
- Long-term care choices
- HIPAA access for the right people
- Who should speak with doctors and hospitals
This document should also explicitly name a designated guardian in case one is ever needed later. Again, that creates a clear roadmap, reduces confusion, and helps stop sibling disputes before they start.
When your parent’s wishes are documented ahead of time, your family has a roadmap. That clarity can prevent suspicion, second-guessing, and the emotional blowups that often happen in a medical crisis.
3. Capacity-Focused Planning to Stay Out of Court
If your parent still has the legal capacity to sign, even if there are early signs of decline, we can help you act quickly and properly. Mental capacity is not always black and white, and timing matters.
Our focus is to help families complete the right planning documents before they lose that opportunity. In many cases, that early action can avoid a costly guardianship proceeding altogether.
4. Clear Expectations for the Whole Family
Preventative planning is not just about documents. It is about reducing confusion. When the plan is explained clearly, siblings are less likely to accuse each other of hiding money, controlling care, or making unilateral decisions.
A thoughtful plan can help avoid:
- Frozen bank accounts
- Delays in paying bills
- Arguments over assisted living or in-home care
- Conflicts about selling the home
- Court intervention that drains time, privacy, and money
What We Do
Amenta Law Firm focuses on helping families set up these plans in advance. We work on estate planning, Power of Attorney documents, Healthcare Directives, disability planning, and related asset protection strategies designed to keep you out of court.
Our role is to help families act early so they can avoid conflict, confusion, and unnecessary court involvement in the first place.
THE GOAL IS TO STAY OUT OF COURT BY ACTING NOW.
The "What If" Factor: What Happens if You Do Nothing?
If you choose to ignore the fighting and the lack of a plan, the consequences are steep. You might find yourself facing:
- Frozen Accounts: If your parent is the only one on the deed or the bank account, and they can’t sign a check, that money is effectively locked away.
- Medical Stalemates: Doctors may refuse to perform elective (but necessary) surgeries if there is no clear consensus or legal proxy.
- The Loss of the Family Home: Without proper planning, the home might have to be sold hastily to pay for care, often for less than it's worth.
DON'T WAIT FOR THE CRISIS TO ESCALATE.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Can I still make a Will for my parent if they have dementia?
A: Only if they have a "lucid interval" and can prove they understand what they are signing. If they don't know who their children are or what they own, they likely lack the capacity. You can learn more about this here: Can I make changes to my will or trust after it's created?
Q: My sibling is the Power of Attorney, but they aren’t doing their job. What can I do?
A: A Power of Attorney comes with serious fiduciary duties. The better approach is to avoid confusion on the front end by creating clear, well-drafted documents while your parent still has capacity. Amenta Law Firm focuses on that preventative planning.
Q: How much does a Maryland guardianship cost?
A: It varies wildly. An uncontested guardianship might cost a few thousand dollars, while a contested sibling battle can easily climb into the tens of thousands in legal fees: money that should be going toward your parent's care.
Reclaiming Your Family's Future
Watching a parent decline is hard enough. You should not have to add sibling conflict, frozen accounts, delayed care decisions, and court involvement on top of everything else.
The best time to protect your family is before the crisis hits. If your parent still has capacity, now is the time to put a Financial Power of Attorney in place for all financial decisions and a Healthcare Power of Attorney in place for all medical and healthcare decisions. Both documents should also explicitly name a designated guardian in case one is ever needed in the future, giving your family a clear roadmap when emotions are high and preventing siblings from fighting over who should be in charge.
At Amenta Law Firm, that preventative planning is a major focus of what we do. We help Maryland families create the legal framework that can prevent future conflict, protect assets, and reduce the risk of guardianship fights later.
Our focus is helping you stay out of court by planning early, planning clearly, and planning the right way.
START YOUR ESTATE PLAN NOW. CALL AMENTA LAW FIRM TODAY. Let’s talk about your family, your concerns, and the steps you can take now to protect your parent’s dignity and your family’s sanity.
It’s time to stop the fighting before it starts…
READY TO SECURE YOUR PARENT'S CARE? CONTACT US NOW.
Amenta Law Firm provides professional legal services with a focus on preventative estate planning, Financial Powers of Attorney, Healthcare Powers of Attorney, Healthcare Directives, and asset protection in Maryland. These documents can also name a designated guardian if one is ever needed in the future. This blog is for informational purposes and does not constitute legal advice.